Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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