sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
