Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
