:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
