Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize