Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
