Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
nutella sex= disaster
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
