Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
