everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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