I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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