u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
