PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
