so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have so many feelings about this burrito
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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