Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
