what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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