Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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