Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
