i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
