She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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