You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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