She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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