I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
