No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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