one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
