So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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