just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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