I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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