remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
