Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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