I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
