in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
