he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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