just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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