Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
