oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
