Someone shit on the floor
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
