Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
