I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
