first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize