Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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