Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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