Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
