So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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