if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
