so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
