My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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