What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
