I heard we made out
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
