I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize