She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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