Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
