He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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