I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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