You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
50% drunk capacity currently
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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