im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
