STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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