I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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