She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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