hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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