Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
