Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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