Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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