break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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