Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
