...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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