Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
