wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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